Tuesday, May 09, 2006
More Signs of the Apocalypse
The most alarming thing I've seen this spring from the TV networks isn't the creation of the CW (seriously, at first I thought it was the Country Western network) or even the scheduling that puts the best shows on against each other. Instead, it was a commercial I saw during an episode of The Apprentice on Monday. I really hoped that someone would knock some sense into the networks after last year's Category 7 debacle, but I was far too naive. NBC is featuring the sequel to its own low budget, high crap 10.5, 10.5: Apocalypse. I think that their web banner says all that really needs to be said. This show will be a disaster of epic magnitude. You'll have actors who are slumming it for a paycheck mailing in performances so bad that it may break the Unintentional Comedy Scale. Apparently the original 10.5 that turned Southern California into an island, a la Hawai'i, was so powerful that it will cause an earthquake that is probably bigger than 10.5 was. Never mind that a 10.5 is nigh unto impossible, you have to take it up a notch. Maybe an 11.5, seeing as how that's bigger and that it will literally go in a direction that no earthquake ever could, seeing as how there isn't a cross country fault. I'd imagine that we'll end up at the end of the show with the Northern US (judging by the promo, Vegas will be part of that as will what's left of Mt Rushmore) being annexed by Canada and the Southern US will become Mexico 2.
I think the worst thing about these shows for me is that they all follow exactly the same formula. Even the sequels do. Expert Scientist tells everybody that there's going to be a Big Problem. Everybody ignores Expert Scientist except for One Man. Expert Scientist starts to be proven right. Political Bigwig believes Expert Scientist except for Political Bigwig's Influential Advisor, who thinks that Expert Scientist is full of crap. End of Night One, with a "cliffhanger" - will the disaster happen? What ever will they do? Disaster happens, Expert Scientist is proven right and Political Bigwig's Influential Advisor dies as a result of the disaster. There are then troubles related to the disaster and in the end nothing that anybody did solved much of anything, although generally Expert Scientist was able to mitigate the effects (perhaps 10.5 2 would have destroyed France as well). There also are some key side characters like intrepid ambiguously Asian sidekick and nerdy Expert Scientist in training who help to save the day. It's like driving home from work every night along the same route, but they're changing the look of the sidewalks. It's the exact same thing over and over again, just a different disaster at the center. They also seem to affect the same cities over and over again too. I would imagine that 10.5 2 attacks Vegas, then it miraculously skips to South Dakota to destroy Mt. Rushmore, then over to Chicago, then to New York City and Washington, DC before it stops due to some sort of deus ex machina provided by Expert Scientist. Ugh. You know this is going to get good enough ratings for 10.5 3 to happen. Maybe that will be the moon splitting in half.