I haven't mentioned this in the past, but I will here and now: I work with a crone. Not just your run of the mill battleaxe (although I work with plenty of those too), she is a full-fledged crone. "How is she a crone?" you might ask. Allow me to enumerate the ways:
- Whenever she hears something she doesn't like, you immediately know it. Bad news for her can span the gamut from "you're not going to this conference because the last time you went to one you managed to skip half the sessions so you could be 'fresh' for the other half and my wife caught you in all your glory at the Starbucks/breakfast lounge in the hotel" to "sorry, drinks are 50 cents and you are not a special exception." This is followed with a tut-tut sound and a disapproving look that conveys the message "do you know who I am?" To the look I would reply that I do know who you are, and that makes it all the sweeter when I can shut your sorry can down.
- She is the personification of two great human flaws: what have you done for me lately and why don't I get it right now. She'll call up at random times and have random issues with things, typically because she uses all kinds of stuff that is her personal stuff. No, she won't standardize, she has to use her Celeron Toshiba laptop and her Palm Treo instead of the Core 2 Dells and Tungsten E devices that we use for everyone else. At any rate, this technology of hers has frequent problems and if you don't get it sorted out 5 minutes before it happened, you're on her crap list (which let's face it, I've been on since the moment she got here).
- She's an office squatter. This has happened for quite some time, but it still bugs me. So she got hired here and one of our corporate people spent a lot of time up in our other office. She sat down there in his office and went to work. That's fine - if she gave it up when he came down here to work. Instead she used squatter's rights to claim control of the office, and proceeded to take down all of the stuff on his walls, box up his materials, and toss his stuff in the hall over a weekend. When people got in on Monday, she had personalized the office with all of her degrees and whatnot, as people who think they're awesome tend to do. It's great that you got those, but don't sit there and rub it in our faces. She then decided that she preferred the office across the hall from hers because it had windows. This was another corporate officer, even the COO of the company. Same thing happened - Friday it was his, Monday it was hers. Then when Forro and I moved her into a different office, she got all bent out of shape despite the little fact that she doesn't even need an office.
- She believes that she is God's gift to mankind. This is not an exaggeration. She also believes that she should be part of the management team. She's a nurse. Not a manager. She's seen some of our finances before and as soon as I'm done explaining that, she will go on about how she needs x, y, or z even though what she currently has is more than sufficient for the job.