Friday, March 10, 2006

Never Neverland

Poor Bubbles the Chimp. His owner, former King of Pop and current pedophile Michael Jackson, has been ordered to close Neverland Ranch by the state of California for not paying employees and not having workers compensation insurance on said employees. I would imagine that a lot of this is a result of being a freak of nature. When he was the best selling singer on the planet and making his billions from Sony, he could afford to live his quirky lifestyle. Unfortunately the perpetual nose jobs, the gradual turning into an albino, and the feministizing of his voice have taken their toll on his sales. Instead of being worth the billion Sony paid him, he hasn't done anything since he admitted that he doesn't know if he is black or white.
It's a sad story because he used to be at the pinnacle of success, and now he's just a circus sideshow, on par with the Bearded Lady or the lion in a cage. Maybe he could sell off Neverland and move into an apartment in the city, saving enough money to last him through the cold winter of his life, because it'd be tough to have enough plastic surgery to undo the plastic surgery he's already had, and there are enough lawsuits that will probably come to a head that it'd be best for him if he pulled a Killer Kane and lived a modest life from now on. Don't pull a Hammer and wait for things to get so bad that the IRS and the repo man come. Pull out now, with some semblance of dignity.

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