Monday, March 13, 2006
This picture was taken by my friend Jessie, who passed it to Marianne, who passed it to me. Really the picture speaks for itself, but let me say this; you only laughed because deep down you know it is true. I could really lump a lot of cars in this section but let's be honest just because you see a huge truck doesn't mean the driver is supplementing their "ego", it could be legit. With Hummers though, you can almost guarantee that it was purchased to act as a huge shiny phallice. A phallice that produces 3.4 metric tons of carbon emmission in a year. Hummers are the vehicles for two types in society: the few F-Dudes who actually became somewhat successful in life and those yuppies who still think that your car in any way defines your status in life. My annoyances with people who drive such monstrosities are really three fold (although, I should add another fold of annoyance, because the fact that they suck down more gas than an M4 Sherman irks me pretty bad...I'll let that one slide though). First, anyone who drives a Hummer feels compelled to refer to it as "The Hummer", i.e. "Lemme, just pull The Hummer out of the garage, and then I'll drive The Hummer to the curb so that you can all admire The Hummer while you get in The Hummer". Second, people who drive Hummers seem to all be under the same misconception that the rest of society actually thinks their vehicle is cool, and that we sit behind them during our commute and long for the day that we might ride in "The Hummer". Third, you never ever see an H2 or H3 or whatever H they are on now with a speck of dust on it, leading me to believe that my Mazda Protégé sees more off-road time than their "ultimate off-road vehicle" does.
Now for the very few innocent motorists who accidentally purchased a Hummer not realizing the statement you were making about your wang, you have a chance to repent. As soon as possible go ahead and sell it to a more...shall we say "deserving" member of society. And for the sweet love stop calling it “The Hummer” immediately...shut up, you know you do.