Saturday, February 25, 2006

The South Shall Rise Again!

...but not if these guys are indicative of what would pass for a Rebel Army. In the category of "things I have never heard of happening before," we have two roommates going at it over toilet paper. This isn't one of those Quilted Northern vs. Charmin Ultra debates. They ran out of tp, then proceeded to threaten each other, with it escalating to the point where one of them, Kenneth Matthews, pulled out a rifle; and the other, Franklin Paul Crow, proceeded to beat Matthews to death using a clawhammer and a sledgehammer. Ugh. That's grizzly. It's one thing to just hit someone with it, it's another thing to destroy their head so badly that they needed to use fingerprints to get the ID. That's insanity right there. Of course, I don't know if I would have ever put myself in that situation, because judging by Crow's mugshot, he looks like a guy that would kill you if you didn't have toilet paper in the holder, or even if you left the seat up and he went to deposit his securities in the middle of the night, thereby landing in toilet water with results that normally would be called hilarious.
I guess this is one reason why they have a CSI: Miami instead of CSI: Winnemucca

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